‘I was desperate for a cancer manual – but there isn’t one’
23/12/2020 | news | health | 35
How do you cope when your young partner receives an upsetting diagnosis?
1
eja
23/12/2020 12:31:35 9 1
bbc
Just a bit of reassurance, I hope; after 25 years since my mother's death, I still can 'feel' her smell in my forehead and in my chest.
2
23/12/2020 12:59:15 6 0
bbc
My experience was different. When I was diagnosed with cancer 2 years ago there seemed to be plenty of manuals. There was even a manual on how to buy insurance.
4
23/12/2020 13:11:46 1 21
bbc
yeah I wasn't buying some of this account frankly. He admits to being a journalist so....
3
23/12/2020 12:59:43 7 1
bbc
I lost my wife to Cancer over a year ago and so much of this article reminds me of what we went through. However it must be even harder if that’s possible during a pandemic.
2
23/12/2020 12:59:15 6 0
bbc
My experience was different. When I was diagnosed with cancer 2 years ago there seemed to be plenty of manuals. There was even a manual on how to buy insurance.
4
23/12/2020 13:11:46 1 21
bbc
yeah I wasn't buying some of this account frankly. He admits to being a journalist so....
12
23/12/2020 14:59:57 15 0
bbc
"Admits to being a journalist . . " are you even REAL ? Journalists and writers have tragedies too, and the fact that they can express themselves coherently should not be seen as a fault. Go away and think about what you have said.
14
23/12/2020 15:08:56 9 0
bbc
I hope you never have to experience something like this because with your attitude you won't have any friends to help you.
15
23/12/2020 15:40:36 8 0
bbc
What a rubbish thing to say 'bryan' -- as a journalist he should be used to expressing human feelings well and does so very well here. I suggest you go and 'buy' elsewhere.
16
23/12/2020 15:49:19 9 0
bbc
An utterly despicable and insensitive comment. Next time you feel compelled to write a comment, consider the effect of it before pressing Enter.
17
Ish
23/12/2020 16:17:21 6 0
bbc
@bryan
I can't use the words I would like to use as I would probably get banned from the beeb. So I will just have to settle for saying that you must be a nasty person and what goes round has a tendency to come round.
25
23/12/2020 21:57:00 0 0
bbc
Sorry? So he is a journalist? So what?
5
23/12/2020 13:13:18 14 0
bbc
Thank you for writing this article, my wife was diagnosed with stage 4 in September and have experienced all the emotions and fears you have, it's good to know I'm not abnormal. Not being able to attend consultations or chemo sessions has been hard for me together with trying to maintain a level of normality for our two teenage and 21 year old sons. My thoughts and best wishes are with you all.
6
23/12/2020 13:36:44 11 0
bbc
My sister is at S4 & it's hard for her hubs & my nephew I know, so thanks for sharing your story. Wanted to comment from a widow's perspective though & say hubby died 2011. Not cancer but a neuro disorder. However, when taking out some sheets from back of airing cupboard last week the scent of him wafted up very strongly. I agree a machine to store would be wonderful but the mind stores better. x
7
23/12/2020 13:55:13 8 0
bbc
This is so sad. For some people, this year has been more than cruel. I wish you both well and one thing is right, new treatments do come along all the time - the emphasis with cancer these days seems to have shifted from 'cure' to prolonging life. I hope if she can't be cured you are afforded as much time as possible x
8
23/12/2020 13:51:33 4 0
bbc
I had cancer over 4 years ago now and a useful web site was "chriswoollamshealthwatch.com". It is full of very useful information including reading. It helped me considerably to understand the nature of my illness and routes to help mitigate it.

I wish you and your family all the best for the future.
13
23/12/2020 15:03:33 0 0
bbc
I also found Chris Woollams website hugely beneficial when I was diagnosed with breast cancer 10 years ago. It helped me to feel in control again as so much of cancer treatment is out of our control.
9
23/12/2020 14:15:26 4 1
bbc
The headline seems unduly negative, and likely to cause unnecessary distress to patients and their families in an already difficult situation - there are organisations providing lots of support and information. The article itself mentions Macmillan and Maggie's, but there are others. No-one should feel they are on their own.
19
23/12/2020 16:48:48 2 0
bbc
I fully understand the title and felt exactly the same when my husband was diagnosed. You would think in the high tech world we live in that information and help would be at the click of a button but only if you know who to ask and where to go. I nearly gave myself a nervous breakdown hunting for information as even my husbands doctors had never dealt with the rare form of melanoma he has!
10
23/12/2020 14:26:24 0 0
bbc
The east German police kept thousands of bits of clothing secretly obtained from people in glass jars, so tracker dogs could find them if needed, so it does seem to be possible to preserve a loved ones scent.
I wish you both lots of love and support. I have a friend in the same position at the moment and she is paying for a wildlife pond in her memory
11
23/12/2020 14:55:47 5 0
bbc
Pancreatic Cancer UK have a forum which got me through every single day of my husband's decline and death from this hideous disease. No matter how I felt and what I shared somebody else had been there too, and offered sympathy, empathy, and practical advice. The moderators were specialist nurses who had a wealth of knowledge on their subject and never failed to help.
4
23/12/2020 13:11:46 1 21
bbc
yeah I wasn't buying some of this account frankly. He admits to being a journalist so....
12
23/12/2020 14:59:57 15 0
bbc
"Admits to being a journalist . . " are you even REAL ? Journalists and writers have tragedies too, and the fact that they can express themselves coherently should not be seen as a fault. Go away and think about what you have said.
8
23/12/2020 13:51:33 4 0
bbc
I had cancer over 4 years ago now and a useful web site was "chriswoollamshealthwatch.com". It is full of very useful information including reading. It helped me considerably to understand the nature of my illness and routes to help mitigate it.

I wish you and your family all the best for the future.
13
23/12/2020 15:03:33 0 0
bbc
I also found Chris Woollams website hugely beneficial when I was diagnosed with breast cancer 10 years ago. It helped me to feel in control again as so much of cancer treatment is out of our control.
4
23/12/2020 13:11:46 1 21
bbc
yeah I wasn't buying some of this account frankly. He admits to being a journalist so....
14
23/12/2020 15:08:56 9 0
bbc
I hope you never have to experience something like this because with your attitude you won't have any friends to help you.
4
23/12/2020 13:11:46 1 21
bbc
yeah I wasn't buying some of this account frankly. He admits to being a journalist so....
15
23/12/2020 15:40:36 8 0
bbc
What a rubbish thing to say 'bryan' -- as a journalist he should be used to expressing human feelings well and does so very well here. I suggest you go and 'buy' elsewhere.
4
23/12/2020 13:11:46 1 21
bbc
yeah I wasn't buying some of this account frankly. He admits to being a journalist so....
16
23/12/2020 15:49:19 9 0
bbc
An utterly despicable and insensitive comment. Next time you feel compelled to write a comment, consider the effect of it before pressing Enter.
4
23/12/2020 13:11:46 1 21
bbc
yeah I wasn't buying some of this account frankly. He admits to being a journalist so....
17
Ish
23/12/2020 16:17:21 6 0
bbc
@bryan
I can't use the words I would like to use as I would probably get banned from the beeb. So I will just have to settle for saying that you must be a nasty person and what goes round has a tendency to come round.
18
23/12/2020 16:37:57 0 0
bbc
There is a guide, The Street-Wise Patient's Guide to Surviving Cancer: How to be an Active, Organised, Informed, and Welcomed Patient (EER Street-Wise Guides)
by Karol Sikora | 7 Jul 2016 Available on Amazon. I found it useful
29
23/12/2020 22:42:22 0 0
bbc
He likes the idea of private health care that is would be if you can’t afford go and die
9
23/12/2020 14:15:26 4 1
bbc
The headline seems unduly negative, and likely to cause unnecessary distress to patients and their families in an already difficult situation - there are organisations providing lots of support and information. The article itself mentions Macmillan and Maggie's, but there are others. No-one should feel they are on their own.
19
23/12/2020 16:48:48 2 0
bbc
I fully understand the title and felt exactly the same when my husband was diagnosed. You would think in the high tech world we live in that information and help would be at the click of a button but only if you know who to ask and where to go. I nearly gave myself a nervous breakdown hunting for information as even my husbands doctors had never dealt with the rare form of melanoma he has!
20
23/12/2020 17:59:28 2 0
bbc
We’re over 6 month in from my wife being diagnosed with a stage 4 brain tumour. The care from the NHS has been phenomenal, whirlwind of brain surgery, radio therapy and immunotherapy, with follow on treatments for side effects of side effects. Just getting through it day by day, me and my 16yr old son.
21
23/12/2020 19:04:08 0 0
bbc
There is a mass of documented data on how to deal with cancer.
Put "cancer curcumin ncbi" in your browser adding the particular problem to combat.
The answers are all there.
22
23/12/2020 19:17:51 1 0
bbc
Macmillan have been my best source of info, practical advice and equipment. There are literally dozens of self help guides to cancer covering every aspect. Concentrating on practical aspects like wills and power of attorney help but coping with young children must be the toughest. Every good wish for the future
23
23/12/2020 19:20:10 0 0
bbc
Might I suggest, 'Cancer, the emperor of all maladies'?
This book contains a history of the various sorts of cancers and I found it extremely informative. It is written by an Indian gentleman who has had a career in the USA as an oncologist.
I recommend it highly as an excellent read both to those with cancer and others.
24
23/12/2020 21:19:06 0 0
bbc
I am deaf lady. I also had experience with losing someone with cancer. I would like to talk to you about my experience as well.
4
23/12/2020 13:11:46 1 21
bbc
yeah I wasn't buying some of this account frankly. He admits to being a journalist so....
25
23/12/2020 21:57:00 0 0
bbc
Sorry? So he is a journalist? So what?
26
23/12/2020 22:30:04 0 0
bbc
Hello
I have had cancer twice no it is only a rodent skin ulcer put this cream on interferon and it will be gone, 12 months later back again, no appointments for months. Went private week later phone call you need to come in and operate, 3 weeks later maxis facial surgeon need to cut a bit more out that was 2010 okay now, 219 Prostate cancer diagnosed December operation in March cancelled .
27
23/12/2020 22:35:58 1 0
bbc
*tears* We are all so Covid focussed at the moment we forget those that are struggling with life changing diagnoses of many descriptions. Two things will be a long lasting reminder of the bad Covid days, a baby boom and missed diagnoses shortening lives that previously would have been saved or made better or longer. So sad all round. I really feel for everyone going through this
28
23/12/2020 22:40:28 0 0
bbc
Prostate cancer That is 4 months away Options surgery or Radiotherapy or Hormone therapy what if Consultant sick left, machine broke down. Phoned around appointment in a month, when I seen a letter from consultant oncologist said I would only be suitable for hormone therapy. I had operation January 2020 and had 4 off PSA below 0.01
18
23/12/2020 16:37:57 0 0
bbc
There is a guide, The Street-Wise Patient's Guide to Surviving Cancer: How to be an Active, Organised, Informed, and Welcomed Patient (EER Street-Wise Guides)
by Karol Sikora | 7 Jul 2016 Available on Amazon. I found it useful
29
23/12/2020 22:42:22 0 0
bbc
He likes the idea of private health care that is would be if you can’t afford go and die
30
23/12/2020 22:48:30 0 0
bbc
I am so very sorry to hear about your wife's diagnosis.
A lot of sound advice from posters on here, but please try to do as many things from the bucket and other list and treat yourselves as well as you can. All the very best for the future.
31
me
23/12/2020 23:01:55 1 0
bbc
the thing about the diagnosis of cancer is ,it isn't just one disease so it's not easy to write a handboook. I was treated more than 10 years ago,successfully.My brother died a month after being diagnosed.2 different cancers,2 different outcomes. But thanks to the Christy hospital, many people live long and happy lives with cancer.
32
23/12/2020 23:47:41 0 0
bbc
As some one goung through cancer myself I recognise also the divide between mainstream and alternative of which neither are well married to provide integrative collaboration. Amongst friends, family, expectations and self purpose I have soldiered on but shifted so much through humility. A book or a manual you ask? There are already, thousands. It is mutual support and consensus that is so lacking.
33
23/12/2020 23:44:02 0 0
bbc
I personally found the following article on dealing with illness (both from the perspective of the one having to endure; and also support that others can give) very encouraging.

https://www.jw.org/finder?wtlocale=E&docid=501100009&srcid=share
34
23/12/2020 23:53:18 0 0
bbc
My wife diagnose and had same news on 24th July 2019.bowelcancer spread and no cure.. Sadly she passed away 19th sep 2020. What happen in between, I am still not able to come to term with that yet.. I have a 5 year old son with down syndrome.. Will life get ever easy?
35
24/12/2020 01:05:06 1 0
bbc
I am one of the lucky ones, as was my mum, both of us had worked in cancer care as auxiliary nurses and so when she was diagnosed with breast cancer neither of us panicked and talked about her treatment as though it was the same as my treatment for a none terminal condition. We both also know what services were available. This needs to be publicised so that everyone knows this.